aging – Kay Foley

Miles, my sweet and stalwart companion, turned 14 on August 19th. He is 73 in miniature poodle years. I will turn 72 on August 27th, so we are almost the same age. And yet I feel in such better shape than he seems to be.

I worry about him all the time. He is covered with lypomas (fatty tumors) and seems to get another new one weekly. I feel like they impede his movements, though I’m told they do not. He struggles both to lie down and to get up from lying down, both of which he does many times a day, as he follows me around the house. He seems to have trouble finding a comfortable place to lie, as well. I give him three different medications for his aches and pains. Do they help? At all?? I can’t see it, if so.

And he is the younger of my two dogs. He seems to have gone from hale and hearty to OLD in a very short time.

Such is the heartbreak of loving animals. Their lives are just too short.

For his birthday I gave him extra canned food for breakfast, carried treats in my pocket for our walk, and since he loves other dogs, took him to the dog park so he could meet lots of them. And then later, he had presents to open. He loves opening packages. All fine enough. But I watched all those young, fit dogs running and swimming, having a wonderful time, and wished that my darling Miles could join them and have that kind of fun, himself.

I have accepted my own aging much better than I have his. I’ve slowed down, too, but I really am doing fine. I can walk much farther than he can and do just about anything I really want to do. I rather enjoy calling myself an Old Lady and I’m even, mostly, proud of it. Oh, I worry about my brain sometimes, but my body still serves me well. His? Not so much. And he can’t talk or joke about it. He can’t say, “Oh, I’m fine. I really am fine. Don’t you worry your tiny little (old) brain about it.”

And Rufus, with his terrible history as a stray, the broken leg, his heart murmur, spinal stenosis, and Addison’s disease, well, of course I understand why he has issues. And he has done very well, considering. So I can accept this and actually feel grateful for how well he has done for all these years.

So this thing of acceptance with no strings attached? There, I’m stuck. The Buddha taught that fighting against the realities of life creates suffering. I am here to say, “Okay, Buddha! You’re right!”

You, reader, might be expecting a possibly uplifting conclusion right about now. I’m not sure what it can be, other than that I will just keep trying to accept what is, as we all must, even for those innocent Others. I’ll love on Miles and do what I can do for him. And try to practice acceptance.

“You think those dogs will not be in heaven! I tell you they will be there long before any of us.”― Robert Louis Stevenson

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.”― Charles M. Schulz

“A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things–a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.”― John Grogan, Marley and Me

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

Oh yeah, I beat that old man in the Senior Games Racewalk!

Oh God, it’s that time of year again. Time for my Old Lady Exam. As you’re reading this, I will be at my doctor’s office for another Medicare Wellness Visit.

I have to say, that first visit to my doctor after I went on Medicare really took me by surprise. I was given a form to fill out in the waiting room. “Please check the appropriate box, below. Can you perform the following activities: a) on your own, b) with help, or c) not at all? Use a Telephone, Bathe Myself, Get Groceries, Feed Myself, etc.”

What the hell?? I was shocked and indignant.

My son pointed out that I had, ironically, posted this same photo twice, on Instagram.

Inside the exam room, I was using my cell phone when the doctor walked in. “Look!” I said. “I’m using my phone all by myself!” Okay, that was a bit unkind. She had a puzzled look so I mentioned the Old Lady Form I’d just been asked to fill out. She admitted she would be asking me a few “silly” questions, since it was a Medicare visit. But first there were three words I would need to remember: table, apple, penny. She said them slowly so I’d have time to let them sink in. Then there were the questions. What year is it? Who is the President? In what city are we? Etc. And after that, What are those three words? Hmm . . . let me think.

Now I’d caught on. I waited for her to ask me to spell WORLD backwards, like they’d asked my mother when she first had one of those exams. She nailed it, so I’ve been practicing ever since. But no. Rats.

I went home and reported this whole episode on Facebook. The next day, when I walked into the gym for pickleball, a friend yelled out, “TABLE APPLE PENNY!!”

The following year my doctor asked me to remember those same three words. When she tested me on them, I said, “Table apple penny. You asked me those last year.” Aha! Who needs to have their memory checked now?

Oh sure, my memory isn’t what it used to be. My sons point out every little lapse and every little thing I tell more than once. But just look at all the things I have to remember, keep track of, take care of, and do! I teach piano. I write these letters. I have a card business and two websites. I take care of a house, a car, a load of bills, two elderly dogs and all their meds. I’m learning Mah Jongg, for God’s sake. I have 71 years of memories, books, facts, movies, jokes, quotes, and recipes floating around in my brain. I can’t be expected to remember who died in The Snap in whatever the hell Marvel movie I watched with Oliver. Those movies all run into each other, anyway. There’s always an evil guy who wants to take over the world (spelled backwards, that’s DLROW) and the heroes have to wreck the vicinity in order to stop him.

Bring it on, doctors! I’m ready. We Old Ladies are ready! TABLE! APPLE!! PENNY!!!

Forgetfulness – Billy Collins

The name of the author is the first to go
followed obediently by the title, the plot,
the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
which suddenly becomes one you have never read, never even heard of,

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue
or even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall

well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

Tag: aging

Miles’ 14th Birthday

Table Apple Penny