Tag: attention

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Be a Goldfish

The television more-than-a-comedy “Ted Lasso” is full of food for thought. Soccer coach Lasso has a take on teamwork, love, and how to live a good life that illuminates the best way to be a human. But one of his many bits of wisdom comes from the humble goldfish.

After a tough defeat, Ted says, “You know what the happiest animal in the world is? It’s a goldfish. It’s got a 10 second memory. Be a goldfish.” He goes on to encourage the team to forget the losses and focus on what’s next. Put the missed shots and opportunities, the losses and disappointments behind you and work on doing better. Shorthand for this, as the show goes forward (as we all are reminded to do) is, “Be a goldfish.”

I love this show. It’s one that is well worth watching. When I finally got to see all of it, I was spoiled for anything else. I just wanted to watch it all over again, which I quickly began to do. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom.

Be the goldfish. Leave it all in the past. Okay, don’t leave the beautiful things, the happinesses and glories, the lovely littles and bigs behind you. Keep those tucked away someplace safe. But don’t hang onto the ugly bits that aren’t doing you any good. Be a goldfish and swim over to your tiny castle, waving your pretty little tail as you go.

Rufus, paying rapt attention, as we all should.

I always feel that it’s important to look and listen for these bits of wisdom wherever I can, in whatever conversation, book, movie, overheard comment, child’s remark, dog’s behavior, act of nature, and of course my own reaction to something or other. It’s important to always be listening, paying attention, noticing. Otherwise, what might I be missing? What important message or idea might escape my notice? What bearer of wisdom might be left shaking its head and rolling its eyes, wondering how to get my attention next time?

But with “Ted Lasso,” there’s a banquet of wonderful morsels just laid out for you, so easy to pick up and so palatable. It might sound like I work for Apple+ TV but this show is worth watching. Honestly, I haven’t found much else of worth there, but when I find something like this gem, I want to tell about it.

Here are a few more Ted Lasso-isms.

“I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”

“There’s two buttons I never like to hit: that’s panic and snooze.”

“I think things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Seeing

Hairy Vetch

Last summer I was out on my bike a lot, with my oldest son, home from New York City. We rode on the MKT trail a lot. Apparently, on many of those rides we rode past loads of this flower, Hairy Vetch, but I never noticed it. I say “apparently” because this year I’ve seen masses of it growing along that same trail. And I really doubt that it all just sprang up this year, out of nowhere. It is a lovely purple flower, too, quite eye catching.

I pride myself on noticing things, especially things in nature. And I started learning about wildflowers several years ago–observing, taking photos, looking them up in Missouri Wildflowers, posting photos on social media, etc. They are a particular love of mine. And yet this one, the great lovely banks of it, had eluded me.

This made me think about what other things I may be missing. What ideas, things, people, and places am I failing to notice? I’m sure there are quite a few. But I am also sure I’m not alone in this.

This little guy eluded me, too, until he was pointed out by a passing hiker.

I was lucky to hear Jon Kabat-Zinn give a talk some years ago, here in town. There were maybe a thousand people in the audience, as I recall. He showed a video, and asked us to count how many times the people in white clothing passed a basketball. There were people in black in the video, too, all of them moving around in front of an elevator. I concentrated very hard on counting. After the video stopped, he asked how many passes we counted. Then he asked if anyone had seen anything unusual. Maybe 3 or 4 people raised their hands. He played the video again, instructing us NOT to count, but just to watch. Unbelievably, about two thirds of the way through, the elevator door opened, revealing someone in a gorilla suit who stood there beating his chest. This was what only 3 or 4 among us had noticed?! This was stunning to me. How had I not seen that? Well, I was busy with a task that involved paying attention to only one thing. Even so, I found it hard to believe that I had missed that.

The phenomenon is called “selective attention.” We all have it at times, sometimes to our benefit but often not. His point was that sometimes we focus on negative things, things we struggle with or are sensitive to, and by focusing on them we create more trouble for ourselves. He is one of many who say that whatever we put our attention on grows stronger in our lives.

Sam Middleton, American 1927-2015

Because I love morel mushrooms, a few times in spring I have searched for them in the woods. The most I ever found was two. But worse than that, in looking for mushrooms, I failed to enjoy everything else that I normally would have seen, loved, and photographed. Focusing on that one thing took away from my joy of wandering in the woods. I no longer hunt morels.

On the other hand, scientists put razor sharp focus on a particular area of research and make important discoveries. People who get lost in creative pursuits can lose track of time and forget to eat. But they are deep in creative “flow,” which is rewarding, energizing, and wonderful.

Maybe last summer on those bike rides I was focusing on my son, our conversations as we rode along, and the enjoyment of being with him. That little flower was going to be here again this year, anyway. So now I’ve found it.

As with most things, there are both good and bad aspects to the little oddities of being human.

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”