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Being Cheesy

I recently heard that there’s a saying in meditation that goes, “If you can’t be cheesy, you’ll never be free.” Wow. That really got me excited. I must be very free! I really can be cheesy, I feel. I read Tarot cards, especially to start a new year. Runes, too. I even have a rune tattoo. Bit of a regret on that, but oh well. But are these things cheesy or actually woo-woo? Hmm. That’s a hard one. I believe I’m pretty good at both, though my heart does draw the line at certain things in the woo-woo category.

But that is neither here nor there. Merriam-Webster defines cheesy as 1) “resembling or suggesting cheese especially in consistency or odor” (terribly literal, don’t you think?) and 2) “shabby, cheap.” It offers a whole slew of terrible synonyms for that second definition, e.g. dowdy, inelegant, tacky, tasteless, trashy, unfashionable, unstylish.

Clearly, this is not exactly what the meditation teachers are meaning (especially that bit about actual cheese). No. And regarding definition #2, in meditation you’re not supposed to be stylish to begin with! Hats, for example, are not worn, let alone truly fashionable top hats. In my opinion, meditators clearly mean being willing to do things that are, God forbid, not “cool” in the traditional sense, like hugging a perfectly beautiful tree or taking a yoga pose in the gate area of an airport. Wearing a Mad Hatter hat to greet one’s son at selfsame airport. Running up and down the little hills on a trail with arms spread out, playing “Airplane.” Singing “Good Night, Irene” or “Good Night, Lady” to one’s adult son every night before bed.

They mean being willing to risk looking or seeming silly, childlike, inelegant, woo-woo, naive, uncool, gullible or unrefined. And let’s just go on and say it–doing so for the greater good, i.e. for the sake of fun, a lighter heart, a new experience, vulnerability, intimacy, openness, perhaps even personal or spiritual growth–and thus becoming freer. That’s what I think, anyway.

So go ahead and hide an Easter basket for your adult son, husband, wife, lover! Go ahead and sing a little something at bedtime. Sing a little something to a perfect stranger! Find yourself a huggable tree and give it a loving embrace every time you pass by. Buy yourself a tube or two of Bathtub Soap Paint and have a ball in the tub. Or buy yourself an adorable plush snowman to have on your lap like a baby while you watch TV in the evening.

I would love to hear what you do that is cheesy.

“Do a loony-goony dance

‘Cross the kitchen floor,

Put something silly in the world

That ain’t been there before.”

― Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic

“‘Coolness’ is too transient to be of any real and meaningful, lasting significance, and it is often in great conflict with one being one’s most honest, most vulnerable self. ” ― Criss Jami, Healology

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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A Coat With a Hood

For how many years have I been walking in the woods with dogs, all seasons and practically every day? Nearly twelve. Since I’ve had Miles. Those walks were only occasional and mostly in the fall, before I found Miles of the Running Exploring Loving of All People and All Dogs Exuberant Heart. Miles, who stares at me all morning if we do not go on a nice long walk. Miles, who even though he adores the narrow winding paths in the woods and especially the one along the creek, immediately adjusts his expectations (better than I do) when it becomes clear we’re going on a leash walk only.

Anyway, cold, rain, snow, heat, we’ve been out in all of them. And for the most part, I’ve dressed well for it. I want my feet to stay dry, even if the weather’s hot, so I have hiking boots to wear every day. I wear a ball cap in warm weather to keep the sun off my face and horseflies off my head. My son gifted me with a really good raincoat, since I like to be out in the rain. And I have lots of winter things–down jacket, wool gaiter, ear bands, hats, mittens, hand warmers. But I have never had a warm coat with a hood.

The other day, when it was “9 degrees, feels like -2” (Why doesn’t it say “feels bone crushing” or “feels horrifying”?), I finally saw the folly of trying to stay warm in anything other than a coat with a hood. Why has it taken this long? There were two days in a row that pushed the issue. First, I ran into an acquaintance whose pit bull likes to run along carrying the absolute longest branch he can find. This one was probably 8’ long. It stretched the width of the wide trail we were on. We stood laughing and chatting about her dog. But it was her coat that I focused on. A great big coat with a faux fur trimmed hood. It was not fashionable but it looked absolutely decadent. She said it was almost too warm. I asked where she got it. Bass Pro.

The next day I ran into another dog-walking acquaintance who scolded me for not wearing a hat. I had on an admittedly rather thin ear warmer and a wool gaiter. He catalogued for me what he was wearing: a balaclava, a hat, and two jackets, both with hoods, both of the hoods pulled over his already covered head. We walked together a short while and then came upon two others, both wearing hooded jackets, and of course we talked about the brilliance of the hooded jacket.

That day I went out to Bass Pro, a place I never go, a place where all of the (unmasked) employees were very nice and helpful. And I bought, for $33, a big long, to my knees, hooded coat, outer layer of that tough cotton that ranchers wear. Polyester fill. Tan. Tall, stand-up collar. Hood that stays up without being cinched. Zipper and snaps. Big pockets. Nothing fancy. No down. No faux fur trim. No inner cuffs or anything like that. Just what’s needed, though, and with the added bonus that now we can play Ranch. I’ll be Anna Montana, Miles can be Old Thunder and we’ll be out checkin’ the fence line. We’ve both got a hitch in our giddyup these days, so I won’t ride him. Yeehah!! Thirty three dollars! Warm enough, with my layers underneath. And that hood! Nice and cozy and now that I’ve been schooled, I do wear a hat or ear warmer under it.

How does a person live to be 70 before finally getting a proper coat with a hood? You tell me. I’m shaking my head. But at least that head of mine is warm underneath that hood.

“There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes.” – Scandinavian wisdom

“Christopher Robin was sitting outside his door, putting on his Big Boots. As soon as he saw the Big Boots, Pooh knew that an Adventure was about to happen, and he brushed the honey off his nose with the back of his paw, and spruced himself up as well as he could, so as to look Ready for Anything.” – A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Welcome All

I love January because it’s the start of a new year and I always start the year off with resolutions, sometimes with just one but often more. Today I wrote about my intentions for 2022 (paint and write more), things I want to accomplish (lose 13.5 pounds, fix up the house), ways I’d like to change (get back to my regular exercise routine) or places I want to go (Greece, the Riviera Maya, the Tetons, NYC, California). This year, though I have many intentions, I have one resolution only, and that is to take this poem by Rumi to heart.

The Guest House by Jalal al-Din Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

​A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

​Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

​The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

​Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

I LOVE this poem. I have loved it for years. What I love about it is the idea of allowing. Allowing difficulty and loss through the door, because they’re going to come in, regardless. Might as well welcome them. Don’t we all need this idea right now? Along with the good and kind and loving who stop by regularly, we do have unwelcome visitors, too, so unwelcome that we’d much rather shove them away. But can they really be guides from beyond? If we let them in, aren’t we really just being passive? I think not. I think it takes strength to stay open to whatever comes. It’s not easy to relax into being changed for the better by the unwelcome. It’s not that easy to relax with difficulty or loss, at all. We use tough words like fight and battle and win or lose around illness, social issues, grief, just about anything. And when we want to make positive changes, we use hard words like workstrive, and resolve. What if we tried to use a new language of gratitude and acceptance?

I love, too, that Rumi includes as unexpected guests our own dark thoughts, shame, unkindnesses, of which I certainly have my share. What can we do with those, instead of furiously growing them bigger and harder and meaner inside us? How could we welcome them in, laughing, and thank them for opening our eyes to ourselves? And when we recognize those dark thoughts, could we let them teach us rather than shame us and make us smaller in our own eyes? We could.

So here are some questions I plan to ask myself when something bad or difficult happens, when I’m feeling injured by the news, a loss, a word, or when I have an unkind thought.

a) Am I willing to be changed for the better by this?

b) How can this help me grow?

c) In what good ways can I be changed by this?

I haven’t had a big party in a long time. I’d like to metaphorically open the door, spread my arms wide to every guest, and call out,”Welcome! Thank you for coming!”
If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
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Another Year

Here I am, in this week between Christmas and New Year’s, looking back over the year. No matter what has transpired, I entertain a certain amount of fondness for every year I’ve lived through. Each is a mix of good and bad, 2021 no different in that respect from any other. For me, personally, there was a lot of grandness, a lot of soft loveliness, of course some small difficultiies, but a great deal of good luck and good will.

There was a lot of writing. There was a lot of painting.

I had many thoughts, both good and bad. I am glad about the good and sorry for the bad.

January 2021

I turned 70, my sons turned 42, 41, and 39. Miles turned 12 and Rufus turned about a million. Among us, hundreds of pictures were taken; silly texts were shared; games were played; walks were taken; TWELVE boxes of Mallomars were eaten; movies were watched; opinions were stated; puns were made; dogs and cats were loved upon and loved us back; meals were shared; bread was baked; pizzas were cooked; road trips were taken; pounds were gained; vaccinations were had; bikes were ridden; friendships were renewed, deepened or lost; books were read; ideas were hatched; pictures were painted; plans were made; plans were canceled.

The sun and moon rose and set; the moon waxed and waned; seasons wandered in and out again; foxes, opossum, raccoons, hawks, owls, wrens, cardinals, squirrels, and deer passed through our yard; blue jays shouted; chickadees chattered. We were all loved to pieces by each other. Calendar pages were turned over and over and soon a new year will stand before us. What will it bring?

Rufus

I hope we will turn 71, 43, 42, 40, 13 and 1,000,001. I hope Covid becomes a thing of the past. Beyond that, I’m open.

“It isn’t normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.” ― Abraham Harold Maslow

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” ― Noel Langley, The Wizard of Oz

“Desire makes life happen. Makes it matter. Makes everything worth it. Desire is life. Hunger to see the next sunrise or sunset, to touch the one you love, to try again.” ― Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”