Month: October 2023

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Ten Years From Now

In an effort at being published, I made up a big glorious package of stuff and sent it to Chronicle Books! August 2012

I did an exercise on Calm, the meditation and sleep app (LOVE & highly recommend), in which I was asked to imagine myself ten years from now, happy. Then think about what it is that’s making me feel happy. Whoa. Mind-blowing.

You wouldn’t think it would be, would you? Well, I’ve done this type of thing many times before, with Julia Cameron and others, when I was younger. Back then, I imagined all sorts of things in my future. I had big ambitions, including: Published Writer at Chronicle Books (with an agent), Successful Artist, Love of My Life Found, Nice Big House (no repairs waiting to be done), Plenty of Money for travel or whatever, and when I was really on a roll, Apartment Overlooking Central Park (in addition to the house). As I say, I was younger and more ambitious.

I thought I could catch someone’s eye.

This time I had an immediate vision of myself ten years from now, smiling, decidedly wrinkly, with wispy grey hair pulled back, standing in front of a painting in progress in my messy studio right here in this same house where I live now and that I really do love, even with its many problems, just plain happy. A simple life, my house paid off, less to do, less to worry about, a little creaky but obviously healthy, happily working on a painting. No big ambition or plan. It was a quiet little smile of contentment that I had. And I did not need a moment of reflection or thought to have that vision arrive in my mind’s eye. It just popped up, easy as pie. It was wonderful!

I packed it all up in this enticing box and sent it off! No response.

I’m so shocked at how different this exercise turned out from when I was younger. I had so many ambitions for myself! I used to go off to art shows thinking, “Anything can happen!” Maybe at this show I’d be discovered! By whom? I don’t know. I guess an agent. I wanted to be able to use the phrase, “my publisher.” That was big. When I went to the NY Stationery Show in 2009, I honestly hoped that I might a) be signed by Chronicle Books b) find the love of my life and c) end up with that apartment overlooking Central Park, where I’d stay part of the year visiting my sons and being a famous New York writer/artist.

Age really does make a remarkable difference. I love the difference, in this case. I like this version of Ten Years From Now very much. Oh, I still very occasionally think of maybe having these letters find their way to a publishing house–but that’s about it. Mostly I’m just happy that I get to write them and you are willing to read them and some of you write me back. All wonderful. Contentment is a pretty great thing.

Again, I know I’m lucky and so far, fingers crossed, aging well, though I know anything can happen. Not necessarily the “Anything can happen!” of going off to shows, either. But so far, very lucky.

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost

“Wrinkles here and there seem unimportant compared to the Gestalt of the whole person I have become in this past year.”― May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

“At 11, I could say ‘I am sodium’ (Element 11), and now at 79, I am gold.”― Oliver Sacks

“But if we are truly happy inside, then age brings with it a maturity, a depth, and a power that only magnifies our radiance.”― David Deida, Intimate Communion

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Prizes? Prizes!

My painting, “Frolic”

This past weekend a local art show was held at the bank downtown where I won Third Place in painting last year. I always enter and I did so again this year. I had intended to write this letter about prizes in art and what they mean, since I was not expecting to win again this year. I was going to write about the roller coaster ride of prizes, shows, acceptance, rejection, and sales.

Well, this year I got First Place in Painting! WOW. I heard the news from a friend. Gobsmacked. Stunned. Very very happy. Told many people the happy news. Right as I was going to bed last night I worried that my friend may have gotten it wrong. Maybe it was Third Place or Honorable Mention and I’d already told all those people I got First. But no. It was true. Wow.

The thing is, a few weeks earlier another of my paintings had been rejected from a show put on by this same arts group. But I am no stranger to rejection, as anyone who’s done art shows will also say. I once met a guy who helped found the Plaza Art Fair in Kansas City and after the first couple of years, he was rejected! Another artist I know had his work used on the brochure for a show for which he was rejected. It is not uncommon to win a prize one year and be rejected the next.

So, prizes in art–what do they even mean? Generally, they mean that a particular judge or set of judges really likes your work. It’s great to win, of course. It feels wonderful and I am thrilled. I love my painting and somebody else out there loves it, too! Validation is always welcome when you’re putting yourself out into the world through art or writing or anything creative. I mean, many of us would say that when we show our art, we are essentially saying, “See me. Look at what I did! Love me.” This is why I appreciate those people who take the time to really look at my work as much as I do those who buy it. I feel seen.

Had I not won a prize, my day still would have included something like this. Win!

I will, of course, continue to let people know about this prize. Of course! My painting and ribbon were even shown on the news! Wahoo!! More people to see me, look at what I did, love me. By the time you read this, I will have received my prize in front of everyone gathered there. I will have felt seen and celebrated. As long as I don’t let not winning or being rejected rule me, I’m good.

Prizes encourage me to keep painting, even when the painting is ugly at some point in the middle. Ugh. Prizes help me remember that I have managed to pull other paintings through to the other side. They remind me that I can do it again, even if I have to struggle (as I often do). But they are not everything, by any means. I don’t paint for prizes. I do it because I love doing it. It’s fun and it takes me back to being a kid, playing, getting messy. It is just so much JOY. How lucky am I? Sheesh!

“Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

“It is deeply satisfying to win a prize in front of a lot of people.” ― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

“Art must be an expression of love or it is nothing.” Marc Chagall

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Square Foot of Wonders

Yesterday I was sitting out on my stoop, actually almost in my driveway, waiting for a friend to arrive for a walk and from there I made a wonderful, though not really earth-shattering, discovery.

I had just listened to a short meditation by Jeff Warren called “Whole Body Listening.” Very nice. And it was a gorgeous autumnal day. Bright and crisp, with a deep blue sky. I was lying on my back in the sun, right there by my driveway, eyes open to my neighbor’s tree against that blue sky and as so often happens, was inspired to take a photo looking straight up. Lovely.

Then the magic happened. I was further inspired by the light and the colors to take photos all around me, from just right there, without getting up or finding a different vantage point, just right from where I was (reminding me of Pema Chodron’s lovely book, Start Where You Are). There were so many beautiful little things right there around me, in that very humble spot, the sidewalk at the edge of my cracked driveway. Each way I turned my head I found something picture worthy, at least, to my mind.

And isn’t that the simple truth? That anywhere we are, there are little humble things, pretty or interesting things, worthy of our attention and gratitude. You might even say worthy of love and you might even call them wonders. All these unassuming things everywhere around us, ripe for the eye’s picking. If you’re game for looking, for seeing, for spending a little time in a way that others might call pointless, and you don’t have any particular expectations, you will be rewarded, practically anyplace you find yourself.

I found this fossil rock years ago and put it in my messy “rock garden.”

I wasn’t looking for New England fall colors or Rocky Mountain views. I was just looking. Looking and seeing while sitting still in that simple spot. And it was such a pleasure. It just goes to show that simple pleasures, and even wonders, abound, as long as we’re open to them.

I had an aching back that day, too, which is why I lay down to listen to that meditation in the first place and why I saw the beguiling sky and tree above when I opened my eyes. That aching back gave me such an opportunity. I truly believe opportunities, too, are all around us and we need to seize upon them whenever we can.

What might you see just outside your door, at the end of the sidewalk, or just by the nearby curb? Wonders, I’ll bet. What little bodily grievance might lead you to something wonder-full?

“I have learned over a period of time to be almost unconsciously grateful–as a child is–for a sunny day, blue water, flowers in a vase, a tree turning red. I have learned to be glad at dawn and when the sky is dark. Only children and a few spiritually evolved people are born to feel gratitude as naturally as they breathe, without even thinking. Most of us come to it step by painful step, to discover that gratitude is a form of acceptance.” ― Faith Baldwin, Many Windows, Seasons of the Heart

“I hope these simple things are what I forever love about life, for then I will be happy no matter where I find myself.”― R. YS Perez, I Hope You Fall in Love

“When simple is more than enough, you will feel happy more than enough!”― Mehmet Murat Ildan

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Decisions, Decisions

This is how I feel when I have a hard choice to make.

It takes me forever to make certain decisions. There are times when I’m paralyzed by two choices that both seem too hard. Surely that’s just human, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

My sister had a big birthday this past weekend, with most of the family going to be there, old friends, too, and I was not feeling well. For me, being with all of them for her big day meant travel–by car, then shuttle, then two airplanes, then BART–a big full exhausting day of travel. I’ve done it many times, no problem, but this time I did not feel at all well. Throughout the week, I took six Covid tests, all negative. I wanted a definitive answer. You have Covid; therefore you cannot go. Ahh. Decision made for me. Meaning I’d rather have Covid than take responsibility for my own choices? Hmm.

Here’s the sister who had the birthday party that I missed, and who is now a woman of a certain age.

But no. I had conversations with all three of my sisters, my son, and a couple of good friends, all of whom asked good questions and made wise comments. Still. The decision felt like a choice between me (actually, my body) and someone I love. Ooh. That is hard. Plus, there are Others to think of. I could make others sick! In the end, I stayed home. It was the right thing to do. But not fun.

No one can tell you what to do when you’re caught in this kind of conundrum. You can talk and talk and listen and listen, but eventually you just have to decide. You have to pick one. I suppose I just really didn’t want to choose either.

And here’s the universe, doing its thing, a la Deeprak Chopra (below).

Some people seem to have no trouble making decisions. Sheesh! I know all the tricks. Make a list of pros and cons. Easy. Imagine yourself doing each of the things and note how you feel as you imagine it. Sure, I’ve done that. I’ve advised Others to do it. Toss a coin and notice how you feel about the outcome. Sure. Toss a coin and accept the outcome. No, thank you. There are just times when neither choice feels right, and therefore, it’s nearly impossible to decide.

What I know for sure is that being in that state of indecision is terrible, worse as time drags on. It is the worst. But in the end, I almost always make good decisions. I generally don’t leap at dumb ideas, throw money away on things I have no business owning, or say yes to things I really don’t want to do. But what about my pain and suffering when I cannot decide? Ugh.

Now look, below, at what I just found from dear old Deepak Chopra!

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign–body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on–alters the moment you decide to do anything . . . decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”― Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”