Last week I wrote about my project to fill a sketchbook with lists, for a local show. Well, I have filled up my sketchbook but without a single list. Scrapped the whole idea after messing up a few pages with lists that I deemed “lame” and unworthy of hanging on a wall at the Columbia Art League.
I’ve completed the sketchbook way ahead of time, though, choosing to write about death, instead. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Death is inevitable. Last week it came for a sweet, humble, warm-hearted artist here in our community, out of the blue and at the too young age of 64. He was a man who, because of his lovely nature, anyone who even barely knew him could call “friend.” Beloved by all, his death was unexpected and a blow.
So I’ve written about death–just my random thoughts, since I do ruminate on death quite a lot, anyway. At the same time I’ve made three happy paintings as an antidote to all the darkness. And I’m working on letting my heart fill back up, staying in the present, trying to focus on the moments when Miles is bouncy and lively, rather than when he’s struggling. I am working on accepting what is.
But the “what is” can be enormous and terrible, if I look beyond my own small life. “What is” includes suffering in many parts of the world and major disappointments here in the U.S. As to accepting all of that, I am baffled. I’m reminded of a line from the movie “Living Out Loud,” when Holly Hunter is watching the news on TV and says aloud, “What am I supposed to do with all of this information?”
What, indeed.
Today I took a walk from my house, down to the trail and back up again, while listening to a beautiful meditation. In my ear I heard, “How are you right now?” Well, right then I was looking at the beautiful early morning sunlight through the leaves, blue sky up above, and admittedly I felt lucky. Sometimes I find it hard to hold onto those moments, but again and again I will be asking myself, “How are you right now?” Right now I am fine.
“Emotions are like waves. Watch them disappear in the distance on the vast calm ocean.” ― Ram Dass, Be Here Now
“Instead of forcing yourself to feel positive, allow yourself to be present in the now.” ― Daniel Mangena, Stepping Beyond Intention
“Think about every good thing in your life right now. Free yourself of worrying. Let go of the anxiety, breathe. Stay positive, all is well.” ― Germany Kent
If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.
Thanks for listening,
Kay
P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
