Month: August 2024

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Connections

This is another of those times when I find I have several threads of thought that could be made into a letter for you, simply because life is constantly moving along, people stream through, words and phrases are spoken, and something in me gets sparked. Then I have words of my own to share.

Today I am choosing from among many things that have sailed by me, waving hello just during this past week. And so, with this well of riches, isn’t life amazing?

I went to my chiropractor on Thursday to get repairs done on my back, neck, and shoulder, all of which get bothered because I play something I love–pickleball. And that visit to my chiropractor’s office was, as sometimes happens, magical. a) He fixed me right up. b) We made each other laugh. c) I was able to buy an already cold, giant ice pack. And d) While I was paying, someone came up behind me and said, “Kay Foley, I haven’t seen you in years.” I turned to see a beautiful soul I met when I’d just started playing pickleball in 2015.

I stayed in my chiropractor’s office, ice pack on my back, to visit with her until she was called in. We reminisced about the old days of pickleball, when Open Play truly was open and we all played with each other. There were no groups and it was a pleasure to sit and visit with people from very different walks of life between games. She said, “Remember how much fun we had on Friday nights?” Oh yes. Yes, I so do. She had the same nostalgia for those days that I have.

Brooklyn Art Museum

I said, “You were so kind to me when I started playing.” She said, “You were so much fun!” I asked her how she and her husband (another very kind, lovely person) met. They dated for three years in high school and married at 19. She had been the head cheerleader and he, captain of the football team. They were prom king and queen. “Like a movie!” I exclaimed. And here they are, more than 60 years later, two lovelies. So much the opposite of my own life.

I am pretty sure we have very little in common, other than a love of pickleball and perhaps a desire to connect with others. She was a churchgoer, one of those that I was careful not to swear in front of, seemingly conservative, though I don’t really know that. I imagine that our social and political views are very different, but again, I’m only guessing.

So where am I going with this? It just struck me that while as a nation we are so very divided, as individuals we have so many ways that we connect, ways in which we can connect, regardless of our points of view. Just soul to soul. I think it’s remarkable. And it gets completely lost in the “issues” of the day. That, too, is remarkable. How does something so beautiful become so easily lost to us?

It doesn’t have to. We could make efforts to find those connections wherever we can. We could open our hearts. That’s where the plug-ins are, for the wild mix of connections we’re capable of. Just think what could happen. We could light up the whole world.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“When we know ourselves to be connected to all others, acting compassionately is simply the natural thing to do. ” ― Rachel Naomi Remen

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
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To Grow or Not to Grow

16th Avenue Tiled Steps, San Francisco CA

Being a human and growing as a person is hard. But not growing is hard, too, and in some ways more difficult.

So we have a hard choice to make. Do we want to humble ourselves by working at something that seems impossible to change? Or would we rather remain stuck in our familiar but somehow comfortable, ways? That’s just who I am, love me or leave me. My dog loves me.

It’s always a choice. a) Take the scary steps to grow and change, fall, try again, take a tiny step forward, fall, get up again, and just keep going. Make yourself vulnerable to someone along the way, risking the chance that they might not have the foggiest idea of what you’re saying or showing them. Resolve to be okay with being maybe misunderstood. Let your walls crack a little bit so someone other than your dog might be able to peek inside there. Hope for the best.

Or b) Keep the walls intact, enjoy the status quo, remain self-contained, and stay comfortable, resting in the knowledge that you are true to yourself, by God. This is who I am and who I was meant to be. You can’t change who you are.

I bet you opt for choice a. Even if the changes you make seem tiny, possibly even infinitesimal, even to you, it’s worth the risk. Even if no one else notices or no one else knew you were struggling in the first place, it’s worth it. Even if your dog and your loved ones seem to be fine with having you stay as you are, you probably know there are ways in which you’d love to grow and be happier.

So what do you do? You start. You try new things–meditation or journaling or reading something helpful. Maybe you tell someone you trust that you’re working on something and you might need help with it. Whoa. There’s a step! You take a cold shower and you give yourself a big spoonful of love and you get ready to fall and then to get up. And you do it over and over again. It’s hard! But we might as well do it since we’re already here. What else have you got to do?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” – Carrie Fisher

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Water

I had a last minute invitation to spend a night at a friend’s lake house with her and two other dear friends. It’s a beautiful spot and I could not resist.

Water is healing. British novels always have the ailing protagonist traveling to the seaside for rest and rejuvenation. An article by Elizabeth Bernstein in “The Wall Street Journal” touts the power of water to reduce anxiety and relieve stress. Take a look at the photos from that story and feel yourself relaxing.

“Water meditates us by taking away all the noise,” says Wallace J. Nichols, a marine scientist. “All we have to do is show up.” Yes.

So I showed up and I got meditated this weekend.

A lake doesn’t have the same sound factor as ocean waves and waterfalls. No, it produces a quieter soundscape, lapping against the shore, rocking the dock and boats. And whether you’re in the water or not, just gazing at the soft, rippling movement is meditative.

I wish I had photos from the quiet cove I kayaked to this morning. No docks, no houses, just the green growing things, stands of trees, a soft shoreline, and the occasional turtle plopping from a stump into the water. Birdsong and the quiet lapping of water in the early morning ease one into wakefulness.

Without a phone or camera, I followed my sister’s soft practice of taking mental pictures. Looking. Being mindful. Remembering.

One should never refuse the offer of time by the water, I feel (though I have done it before and recently, too). Creek, river, lake, sea, bathtub, swimming pool, rainfall, they’re all water and all healing. We should all partake as often as possible.

“A recent study found that it takes about two hours a week near water to improve our well-being . . . ” – Elizabeth Bernstein

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.” ― Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad

“They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, the voice of perpetual Becoming.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
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Be a Little Deaf

Lovely Day

Two things. First, I listened today to a guided meditation by Georgina Noel titled “Connecting With Next Level You.” She is a mixed bag of F-bombs, red lipstick and black leather, raucous laughter, and beautiful guided meditations. One has to stay open.

Anyway, this meditation conjured up a golden retriever and an image of me very similar to one that popped up once before. I’m older and thinner, with wispy grey hair pulled back, smiling peacefully. I look a bit like Roshi Joan Halifax. Next Level Me is wise, spiritual, centered, the picture of contentment and equanimity. Nothing about her suggests scrappy pickleball player, sharp-tongued friend, loud-singing Rummy Royal player, cursing Mahjongg devotee, or enterprising artist/writer.

XO

Second, in Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s book, My Own Words (with Mary Hartnett and Wendy W. Williams), she tells of her father-in-law advising her that to make a marriage work, you need to “be a little deaf.”

There’s a pearl of wisdom for you! This simple but profound gem applies not only to marriage, I feel, but to any relationship one might have. How much happier I, for one, would be if I could just ignore those little comments that annoy, irritate, and stick with me for hours or days (years?). Often they’re made by people who do not even figure that big in my life, and yet. Or maybe they are comments from people I love, people for whom I should really have so much more patience. And yet, I’m bugged, I’m irritated, I hold on. My heart scowls. Grr.

I love that image of Next Level Me very much. Peaceful, centered, contented, exuding love. This is what I really do want for the last part of my life. Can I get there? Wouldn’t it be grand? Maybe by “being a little deaf” I could get closer. Perhaps this, along with other helpful practices, will get me nearly there. And perhaps I could do it while still being true to the wilder parts of me.

But why the golden retriever? I’ve never had a large dog, but this is twice one has shown up in my imagination. I’m going to have to meditate on this. Perhaps Joan Halifax has one.

“Conceptual knowledge is so valued in our world. Yet in many cultures wisdom is equated not with knowledge but with an open heart.” ― Joan Halifax, Being with Dying

“Release your potential and unleash your true self into the world.” – Georgina Noel

“Nowhere to go, nothing to do . . . Lost and found in the moment . . . Just practice this . . . Maybe here is where we find wholeheartedness and our true freedom.” ― Joan Halifax, Standing at the Edge

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Law of Attraction

Betwixt

We often hear this idea that we can manifest abundance or draw to ourselves all the things we desire, i.e. the Law of Attraction. But is this really how the universe works? I wonder.

I just heard it presented again in an artists’ group. It’s so simple, so easy, she says. You only have to understand what it is you truly desire, let go of your limiting beliefs and allow the things you desire to enter your life. Amazing things will come to you–that big new studio, money, clients, business, whatever you want. Such a heady idea. I felt myself rising to it, as I always do.

Central Park

Many years ago I read Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way. She is a big advocate of this idea. There are lots of wonderful exercises in the book designed to help you realize what you truly desire and then bring those things into your life. “Leap, and the net will appear.” I was all in. Many pretty pictures appeared in my mind and I tried to manifest these things in my life.

I then started traveling to art shows. I headed off to each show with the mantra, “Anything is possible. Anything can happen!” My “anythings” included being discovered by an agent or a publisher. An apartment overlooking Central Park. A soulmate. Travel. Book deals. I had vivid imaginings of these things happening, these things that I could draw to myself, if only I would leap.

I leapt and I’ve had a nice life, one I’ve enjoyed very much, and I am very grateful to Julia Cameron for her book. I’ve felt lucky, but I couldn’t say that the life I imagined for myself then is the one I’ve lived. No publisher, no apartment, no soulmate, no pot of money. But would I be happier had I found those things? Maybe, maybe not.

NM804 How Lucky

I think the Law of Attraction is a beautiful idea for some things. Drawing goodness, light, inspiration, and grace into your life. Keeping a mindset that is positive and well wishing. Growing resilience. Starting each day with an attitude of abundance, in terms of joy, people, ordinary experiences. Not Things. Framing any bad experiences in a way that is helpful rather than debilitating. Pulling like-minded, positive people toward you.

I think it’s a mistake to sell it as a way to get Things, e.g. a big lovely house, a publishing deal, a pot of money, a fancy job or car. And I get a little squeamish at the hidden suggestion that those lovely, good, positive people who’ve had lots of health and other problems have somehow drawn their troubles to themselves, by virtue of their limiting beliefs.

My attraction to the Law of Attraction now comes with conditions. I might try to manifest a wonderful painting, an excellent shot at pickleball, a really great MerryThoughts letter. But the pot of gold and the big bright studio? I don’t think so.

“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“A change of feeling is a change of destiny.” ― Neville Goddard

“We are magnets . . .We have keys to all doors. We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities…” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”