Tag: age

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Ten Years From Now

In an effort at being published, I made up a big glorious package of stuff and sent it to Chronicle Books! August 2012

I did an exercise on Calm, the meditation and sleep app (LOVE & highly recommend), in which I was asked to imagine myself ten years from now, happy. Then think about what it is that’s making me feel happy. Whoa. Mind-blowing.

You wouldn’t think it would be, would you? Well, I’ve done this type of thing many times before, with Julia Cameron and others, when I was younger. Back then, I imagined all sorts of things in my future. I had big ambitions, including: Published Writer at Chronicle Books (with an agent), Successful Artist, Love of My Life Found, Nice Big House (no repairs waiting to be done), Plenty of Money for travel or whatever, and when I was really on a roll, Apartment Overlooking Central Park (in addition to the house). As I say, I was younger and more ambitious.

I thought I could catch someone’s eye.

This time I had an immediate vision of myself ten years from now, smiling, decidedly wrinkly, with wispy grey hair pulled back, standing in front of a painting in progress in my messy studio right here in this same house where I live now and that I really do love, even with its many problems, just plain happy. A simple life, my house paid off, less to do, less to worry about, a little creaky but obviously healthy, happily working on a painting. No big ambition or plan. It was a quiet little smile of contentment that I had. And I did not need a moment of reflection or thought to have that vision arrive in my mind’s eye. It just popped up, easy as pie. It was wonderful!

I packed it all up in this enticing box and sent it off! No response.

I’m so shocked at how different this exercise turned out from when I was younger. I had so many ambitions for myself! I used to go off to art shows thinking, “Anything can happen!” Maybe at this show I’d be discovered! By whom? I don’t know. I guess an agent. I wanted to be able to use the phrase, “my publisher.” That was big. When I went to the NY Stationery Show in 2009, I honestly hoped that I might a) be signed by Chronicle Books b) find the love of my life and c) end up with that apartment overlooking Central Park, where I’d stay part of the year visiting my sons and being a famous New York writer/artist.

Age really does make a remarkable difference. I love the difference, in this case. I like this version of Ten Years From Now very much. Oh, I still very occasionally think of maybe having these letters find their way to a publishing house–but that’s about it. Mostly I’m just happy that I get to write them and you are willing to read them and some of you write me back. All wonderful. Contentment is a pretty great thing.

Again, I know I’m lucky and so far, fingers crossed, aging well, though I know anything can happen. Not necessarily the “Anything can happen!” of going off to shows, either. But so far, very lucky.

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost

“Wrinkles here and there seem unimportant compared to the Gestalt of the whole person I have become in this past year.”― May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

“At 11, I could say ‘I am sodium’ (Element 11), and now at 79, I am gold.”― Oliver Sacks

“But if we are truly happy inside, then age brings with it a maturity, a depth, and a power that only magnifies our radiance.”― David Deida, Intimate Communion

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Bike Paths

Bicycling is the national pastime in Taiwan and there are miles and miles of beautiful, dedicated, paved bike paths all over the country. This made all the difference for me on my recent trip there. My decision about even saying yes to the trip turned on this dime. Still, I had no idea just how great the bike paths would be. Just look at these! Not only beautifully maintained but just plain beautiful!

I got to thinking about paths, in general, as I began to write this. Life paths and bike paths. The qualities of the path affect each person differently and might or might not fit with who we are now and what we can reasonably do.

At certain points in last month’s bike journey with my son, the path we were on affected each of us very differently. The long beautiful ones, above, were of course pure joy to ride on. But below, you can see that we encountered a section that was steep enough to inspire the building of shallow steps on either side of a slightly stepped ramp, rather than having people go careening wildly down a very steep path. For Cole, it was fun to ride the ramp, but I was more comfortable (duh) walking my bike down the middle while using the steps. It accommodated both of us, but in different ways, since we are completely different riders. Experienced/inexperienced. Fearless/fearful. Young guy/Old Lady.

At another point, we rode for 1.75 miles in a tunnel I had described as having had no bike path. In truth, there was a raised sidewalk for bikes, with a curb (but no guardrail) and the curved tunnel wall on the other side. I could not ride on it. It was just as wide as a regular sidewalk but psychologically, I could not do it. The wall felt far too confining, even though I could see that there was room. I could also see that Cole had no problem with it. (He can also ride hands free, hands in pockets, arms jigging back and forth, etc.) I felt like I could easily fall off the curb and fly wildly into a passing car. I felt that I would be giving myself over to chance. I chose, instead, to ride carefully with traffic, pulling over whenever I heard a car coming. I guess I trusted the drivers to see me more than I trusted my own ability to ride in a straight line. And so, that path was not for me.

Right after the tunnel, we took a shortcut through a jungly area with a very steep, narrow road that was wet and a little slick underfoot. Again, I could see Cole riding it but could not make myself get on my bike until it flattened out a bit. The old “Afraid of Falling and Breaking a Hip” shtick. Purely psychological, because I could just as easily have fallen while walking my bike.

But it’s good to know what is and isn’t for you and not get too tangled up in it. Right? Sure, sometimes it’s also good to push your limits. I’d love to be as fearless and carefree as my son–and I remember when I was. I remember wiping out completely on my bike, years before he was born. I was goofing around on the way back to camp after a day of mountain biking (a thing I would not do now to begin with). Laughing and being silly, I took a big fall. Giant nasty scrape on my leg . . . the guys shooting the dirt and gravel off with their water bottles . . . still laughing. No fear, no regrets, just fun. Sigh.

Every path isn’t for every person at every stage of life. That’s all there is to it. That’s what I’m saying and I’m sticking with it. Done.

“Let each {one} take the path according to his capacity, understanding and temperament. His true guru will meet him along that path.” ― Sivananda

“If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t matter which path you take.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

“There are two paths of which one may choose in the walk of life; one we are born with, and the one we consciously blaze. One is naturally true, while the other is a perceptive illusion. Choose wisely at each fork in the road.”― T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Numbers

Recollections scrapbook paper

Whenever I have a birthday or when family and friends have birthdays, I like to figure out what kind of number the new age will be. Is it a perfect number, abundant, deficient, perfect square, or prime? I learned of this from a math professor. She commented that her mother was depressed about turning 64, but she had pointed out what a great number 64 is! My ears perked up. There’s the Beatles song, “When I’m 64,” very fun, of course. “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” But that was my only thought at the time.

She elaborated on the fact that although 64 is a deficient number, it is a perfect square (8 x 8). Thus, as she had told her mother, it was a very cool number and could portend wonderful things. I suppose I probably had learned such things about numbers from high school math, or at least college algebra. Or maybe we didn’t learn fun things about numbers in those classes. In fact, I’m pretty sure we didn’t. Anyway, I was excited to learn about this later in life, particularly with respect to birthdays (which I love) and age (which I don’t mind).

An abundant number is one whose distinct factors add up to more than the number itself. Seventy (my current age) has the distinct factors of 1, 2, 5, 7, 10, 14, and 35 (you don’t count the number 70 itself). Add these up and you get 74. Thus, 70 is an abundant number. Yay! Anyone can readily see that this means 70 will be an abundant year.

A prime number cannot be divided by anything. Thus, it also is very exciting and probably magical. You will have a prime year when you are, for example, 59 or 19. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, “prime” refers to spring; youth; the most active, thriving, or satisfying stage or period; the best or chief part; original; not derived from anything else. Wonderful! Certainly we all want to have prime years, and certainly we all will. Oliver Sacks tells, in The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, of twin autistic savants who took great satisfaction from going through the files of prime numbers in their brains and discovering new ones, as well.

Then there are perfect numbers. Their distinct factors equal the number itself. Six, for example, is the sum of its factors–1, 2 and 3. There are only four of those–6, 28, 496 and 8128. Sadly, if you’re past 28, you won’t have a perfect age ever again. But think back fondly to 28. We can tell ourselves that it was just about perfect.

A deficient number, such as 32, has distinct factors that add up to less than the number itself. The factors of 32 are 1, 2, 4, 8, and 16. This only adds up to 31. Poopoo. Whenever I do have a birthday and age with a deficient number that is not a prime or a perfect square, I just figure, who cares about this crazy idea? This is so childish. It’s ridiculous! It can’t possibly mean anything.

And then I just wait for the next birthday.

“It’s like asking why is Ludwig van Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony beautiful. If you don’t see why, someone can’t tell you. I know numbers are beautiful. If they aren’t beautiful, nothing is.” ― Paul Erdos

“What music is to the heart, mathematics is to the mind.” – Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. And if you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”