I was in a pretty dark place yesterday. I suppose several things that had been stewing came together to get me there, not the least of which was my own mangled thinking. I’ve recently quit doing outdoor shows, which decision makes me very happy but also means that I have way more down time. I fill orders as they come in. I’m not leaving town off and on for another and another show, riding that high of people’s lovely comments until Monday evening.
I’ve basically finished the writing on a collaborative project I’m doing. I have no big plans at the moment, nothing in particular that I’m working toward, that lights me up. A new venture did not pan out. Normally, I have things I’m reaching for, projects, plans–but not so much lately.
I’ve felt very satisfied with my singleness for a nice long while. Recently, though, I’ve felt a few little inklings, that it might be nice to have that intimacy, that singular connection with someone. I will say definitely “few” and definitely “little” but still, that’s a recent change.
Then there was that dental appointment. Always significant; always shakes a person up.
So I started wondering just what I’ll do with the last quarter of my life, whether I’ll do it alone and yesterday I even thought that it might be more time than I really need. This was an unwelcome state of affairs, to be sure. And then something great happened.
I watched one of Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday” segments that I’d taped. She was interviewing Wayne Dyer. I’d never heard him speak before, never read his books. He said the words, “I am love.” He said that at 71, he feels he has a lot to teach and learn and he wants to love as many people as much as he can. “I am love. I am happiness. I am perfect health.” All of those things. It is beautiful wording. It’s not, “I am loved” or “I am loving.” It’s “I am love.” “I AM” as in God. Christians and Jews believe that God revealed himself saying, “I am who I am,” or “I am that I am,” i.e., the mystery, the One who is always there.
Well, I was in the right place at the right time and that just hit me perfectly. I went to bed repeating that in my head and woke up with it serenading my brain. Love is what I am. And I am LOVE.
