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Connections

This is another of those times when I find I have several threads of thought that could be made into a letter for you, simply because life is constantly moving along, people stream through, words and phrases are spoken, and something in me gets sparked. Then I have words of my own to share.

Today I am choosing from among many things that have sailed by me, waving hello just during this past week. And so, with this well of riches, isn’t life amazing?

I went to my chiropractor on Thursday to get repairs done on my back, neck, and shoulder, all of which get bothered because I play something I love–pickleball. And that visit to my chiropractor’s office was, as sometimes happens, magical. a) He fixed me right up. b) We made each other laugh. c) I was able to buy an already cold, giant ice pack. And d) While I was paying, someone came up behind me and said, “Kay Foley, I haven’t seen you in years.” I turned to see a beautiful soul I met when I’d just started playing pickleball in 2015.

I stayed in my chiropractor’s office, ice pack on my back, to visit with her until she was called in. We reminisced about the old days of pickleball, when Open Play truly was open and we all played with each other. There were no groups and it was a pleasure to sit and visit with people from very different walks of life between games. She said, “Remember how much fun we had on Friday nights?” Oh yes. Yes, I so do. She had the same nostalgia for those days that I have.

Brooklyn Art Museum

I said, “You were so kind to me when I started playing.” She said, “You were so much fun!” I asked her how she and her husband (another very kind, lovely person) met. They dated for three years in high school and married at 19. She had been the head cheerleader and he, captain of the football team. They were prom king and queen. “Like a movie!” I exclaimed. And here they are, more than 60 years later, two lovelies. So much the opposite of my own life.

I am pretty sure we have very little in common, other than a love of pickleball and perhaps a desire to connect with others. She was a churchgoer, one of those that I was careful not to swear in front of, seemingly conservative, though I don’t really know that. I imagine that our social and political views are very different, but again, I’m only guessing.

So where am I going with this? It just struck me that while as a nation we are so very divided, as individuals we have so many ways that we connect, ways in which we can connect, regardless of our points of view. Just soul to soul. I think it’s remarkable. And it gets completely lost in the “issues” of the day. That, too, is remarkable. How does something so beautiful become so easily lost to us?

It doesn’t have to. We could make efforts to find those connections wherever we can. We could open our hearts. That’s where the plug-ins are, for the wild mix of connections we’re capable of. Just think what could happen. We could light up the whole world.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“When we know ourselves to be connected to all others, acting compassionately is simply the natural thing to do. ” ― Rachel Naomi Remen

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
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To Grow or Not to Grow

16th Avenue Tiled Steps, San Francisco CA

Being a human and growing as a person is hard. But not growing is hard, too, and in some ways more difficult.

So we have a hard choice to make. Do we want to humble ourselves by working at something that seems impossible to change? Or would we rather remain stuck in our familiar but somehow comfortable, ways? That’s just who I am, love me or leave me. My dog loves me.

It’s always a choice. a) Take the scary steps to grow and change, fall, try again, take a tiny step forward, fall, get up again, and just keep going. Make yourself vulnerable to someone along the way, risking the chance that they might not have the foggiest idea of what you’re saying or showing them. Resolve to be okay with being maybe misunderstood. Let your walls crack a little bit so someone other than your dog might be able to peek inside there. Hope for the best.

Or b) Keep the walls intact, enjoy the status quo, remain self-contained, and stay comfortable, resting in the knowledge that you are true to yourself, by God. This is who I am and who I was meant to be. You can’t change who you are.

I bet you opt for choice a. Even if the changes you make seem tiny, possibly even infinitesimal, even to you, it’s worth the risk. Even if no one else notices or no one else knew you were struggling in the first place, it’s worth it. Even if your dog and your loved ones seem to be fine with having you stay as you are, you probably know there are ways in which you’d love to grow and be happier.

So what do you do? You start. You try new things–meditation or journaling or reading something helpful. Maybe you tell someone you trust that you’re working on something and you might need help with it. Whoa. There’s a step! You take a cold shower and you give yourself a big spoonful of love and you get ready to fall and then to get up. And you do it over and over again. It’s hard! But we might as well do it since we’re already here. What else have you got to do?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” – Carrie Fisher

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Water

I had a last minute invitation to spend a night at a friend’s lake house with her and two other dear friends. It’s a beautiful spot and I could not resist.

Water is healing. British novels always have the ailing protagonist traveling to the seaside for rest and rejuvenation. An article by Elizabeth Bernstein in “The Wall Street Journal” touts the power of water to reduce anxiety and relieve stress. Take a look at the photos from that story and feel yourself relaxing.

“Water meditates us by taking away all the noise,” says Wallace J. Nichols, a marine scientist. “All we have to do is show up.” Yes.

So I showed up and I got meditated this weekend.

A lake doesn’t have the same sound factor as ocean waves and waterfalls. No, it produces a quieter soundscape, lapping against the shore, rocking the dock and boats. And whether you’re in the water or not, just gazing at the soft, rippling movement is meditative.

I wish I had photos from the quiet cove I kayaked to this morning. No docks, no houses, just the green growing things, stands of trees, a soft shoreline, and the occasional turtle plopping from a stump into the water. Birdsong and the quiet lapping of water in the early morning ease one into wakefulness.

Without a phone or camera, I followed my sister’s soft practice of taking mental pictures. Looking. Being mindful. Remembering.

One should never refuse the offer of time by the water, I feel (though I have done it before and recently, too). Creek, river, lake, sea, bathtub, swimming pool, rainfall, they’re all water and all healing. We should all partake as often as possible.

“A recent study found that it takes about two hours a week near water to improve our well-being . . . ” – Elizabeth Bernstein

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.” ― Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad

“They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, the voice of perpetual Becoming.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”
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Be a Little Deaf

Lovely Day

Two things. First, I listened today to a guided meditation by Georgina Noel titled “Connecting With Next Level You.” She is a mixed bag of F-bombs, red lipstick and black leather, raucous laughter, and beautiful guided meditations. One has to stay open.

Anyway, this meditation conjured up a golden retriever and an image of me very similar to one that popped up once before. I’m older and thinner, with wispy grey hair pulled back, smiling peacefully. I look a bit like Roshi Joan Halifax. Next Level Me is wise, spiritual, centered, the picture of contentment and equanimity. Nothing about her suggests scrappy pickleball player, sharp-tongued friend, loud-singing Rummy Royal player, cursing Mahjongg devotee, or enterprising artist/writer.

XO

Second, in Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s book, My Own Words (with Mary Hartnett and Wendy W. Williams), she tells of her father-in-law advising her that to make a marriage work, you need to “be a little deaf.”

There’s a pearl of wisdom for you! This simple but profound gem applies not only to marriage, I feel, but to any relationship one might have. How much happier I, for one, would be if I could just ignore those little comments that annoy, irritate, and stick with me for hours or days (years?). Often they’re made by people who do not even figure that big in my life, and yet. Or maybe they are comments from people I love, people for whom I should really have so much more patience. And yet, I’m bugged, I’m irritated, I hold on. My heart scowls. Grr.

I love that image of Next Level Me very much. Peaceful, centered, contented, exuding love. This is what I really do want for the last part of my life. Can I get there? Wouldn’t it be grand? Maybe by “being a little deaf” I could get closer. Perhaps this, along with other helpful practices, will get me nearly there. And perhaps I could do it while still being true to the wilder parts of me.

But why the golden retriever? I’ve never had a large dog, but this is twice one has shown up in my imagination. I’m going to have to meditate on this. Perhaps Joan Halifax has one.

“Conceptual knowledge is so valued in our world. Yet in many cultures wisdom is equated not with knowledge but with an open heart.” ― Joan Halifax, Being with Dying

“Release your potential and unleash your true self into the world.” – Georgina Noel

“Nowhere to go, nothing to do . . . Lost and found in the moment . . . Just practice this . . . Maybe here is where we find wholeheartedness and our true freedom.” ― Joan Halifax, Standing at the Edge

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Law of Attraction

Betwixt

We often hear this idea that we can manifest abundance or draw to ourselves all the things we desire, i.e. the Law of Attraction. But is this really how the universe works? I wonder.

I just heard it presented again in an artists’ group. It’s so simple, so easy, she says. You only have to understand what it is you truly desire, let go of your limiting beliefs and allow the things you desire to enter your life. Amazing things will come to you–that big new studio, money, clients, business, whatever you want. Such a heady idea. I felt myself rising to it, as I always do.

Central Park

Many years ago I read Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way. She is a big advocate of this idea. There are lots of wonderful exercises in the book designed to help you realize what you truly desire and then bring those things into your life. “Leap, and the net will appear.” I was all in. Many pretty pictures appeared in my mind and I tried to manifest these things in my life.

I then started traveling to art shows. I headed off to each show with the mantra, “Anything is possible. Anything can happen!” My “anythings” included being discovered by an agent or a publisher. An apartment overlooking Central Park. A soulmate. Travel. Book deals. I had vivid imaginings of these things happening, these things that I could draw to myself, if only I would leap.

I leapt and I’ve had a nice life, one I’ve enjoyed very much, and I am very grateful to Julia Cameron for her book. I’ve felt lucky, but I couldn’t say that the life I imagined for myself then is the one I’ve lived. No publisher, no apartment, no soulmate, no pot of money. But would I be happier had I found those things? Maybe, maybe not.

NM804 How Lucky

I think the Law of Attraction is a beautiful idea for some things. Drawing goodness, light, inspiration, and grace into your life. Keeping a mindset that is positive and well wishing. Growing resilience. Starting each day with an attitude of abundance, in terms of joy, people, ordinary experiences. Not Things. Framing any bad experiences in a way that is helpful rather than debilitating. Pulling like-minded, positive people toward you.

I think it’s a mistake to sell it as a way to get Things, e.g. a big lovely house, a publishing deal, a pot of money, a fancy job or car. And I get a little squeamish at the hidden suggestion that those lovely, good, positive people who’ve had lots of health and other problems have somehow drawn their troubles to themselves, by virtue of their limiting beliefs.

My attraction to the Law of Attraction now comes with conditions. I might try to manifest a wonderful painting, an excellent shot at pickleball, a really great MerryThoughts letter. But the pot of gold and the big bright studio? I don’t think so.

“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“A change of feeling is a change of destiny.” ― Neville Goddard

“We are magnets . . .We have keys to all doors. We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities…” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Eye of the Beholder

Before our basement flooded, I had been working on another Columbia Art League challenge. In fact, the flood gave me a needed break from it. I had been struggling fulfilling the brief for “Lush,” a group exhibit celebrating the richness and vitality of our natural world. This would seem to be a perfect fit for me, but it just wasn’t happening.

After the week of cleaning and doing, I got back to work on painting. I produced many terrible things, several of them on the same hapless wood panel, and others on paper. Rubbish, the British artists I follow would say. A dog’s breakfast. Destined for “the bin” or “the fire.” I grew to hate the substrate itself. I longed for this mythical “fire” of which they speak. What fire? Do they have one going at all times? Perhaps an axe would be satisfying? At the moment it sits with its face to the wall, poor thing. I had even varnished, photographed, and entered it, just to end my misery.

But I found two recent paintings that I love that fit the theme and that I deemed worthy of submitting. So I put a wire on the back of one, popped the other into a frame, and Bob’s your uncle (as the Brits would say)! Ahh. Sigh of relief. But you know, it may be that the piece I hated would have been loved by the juror or a buyer. Such is the eye of the beholder. Had the juror been myopic or unbeknownst to her, missing one lens of her glasses, my Blue Fence II might even have won a prize! One never knows. And in this case, one will never know, because Blue Fence II will never see the light of day.

So now the craziness is over and I am moving on. How could it be so hard for someone who truly does love our natural world to represent it in a meaningful or beautiful way? Well, a) I find the doing of representational art tedious and b) I honestly don’t feel equal to the task of portraying the gorgeousness of nature. I much prefer working from my imagination, and letting surprises happen. I was trying to render heaps of flowers in an exuberant, colorful, abstract sort of way. But no. The magic refused to happen.

The artist herself needs to feel proud of what she shows to the world. It doesn’t matter one whit whether the judge is recovering from cataract surgery. So that’s that. Another submission under the belt. (I’m tempted here to digress on that expression, but I feel that I’ve kept you long enough.)

“To require perfection is to invite paralysis.” ― David Bayles, Art and Fear

“She wasn’t exactly sure what Lord Waverly saw in her work, but that was the beauty of art. Everyone saw something a little different.” ― Laura Rollins, A Pocket of Stars

“To the artist, all problems of art appear uniquely personal. Well, that’s understandable enough, given that not many other activities routinely call one’s basic self-worth into question.” ― David Bayles, Art and Fear

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Luck, Randomness & Cold Showers

The temporarily wrecked fence

I have many things on my mind these days. Last Monday the creek (ditch) next to our house rose in the dark and poured God knows how much water carrying lots of debris against our fence and then 16 inches of water into our basement. Ugh.

On that same morning a young firefighter drowned after saving two people in a flash flood just a few miles from here. He left behind a wife, most likely his parents, and two sons. I keep thinking about him. I keep thinking about the randomness of one courageous person losing his life while two live. And about the comparatively tiny thing of my basement being flooded. My boys all live. My house is intact. By dint of hard work and loans of this and that from friends, my basement is now quite dry and swept clean of debris. And while my water heater needs to be replaced, my furnace needed only a repair and my washer and dryer work! I had feared I’d have to replace all of them. Still, it all seems trivial.

Our house

What is it that grants one person good luck and another tragedy? Someone tried to shoot an evil man last night (never a right intention) and killed , instead, an unlucky bystander. The evil one will probably be made stronger by the threat, and so the wrong intention made for a bad outcome in many ways. What are we to do with this?

I watched an amazing gathering of meditation teachers, spiritual leaders really, and activists yesterday. Called “Save Our Democracy,” it was uplifting, inspiring, and beautiful. It was exactly what I was needing. Tara Brach offered the inquiry, “What is love asking of me now?” What a question! Sit with that one for a minute–or an hour.

Roshi Joan Halifax said, “Keep clearing the mind of psychosocial debris.” Yes. So very helpful. We so need to clear our minds these days.

There were so many pieces of wisdom to deepen my thinking, awaken, inspire, connect, and refresh my spirit. I took a few notes but could not keep up. This was something that truly did fill up my heart. You can watch it on YouTube, here.

Storms moving out

So my week included a flood of muddy water much like the psychosocial debris that’s been filling our minds lately and I was able to clear it out. Bags and bags of dripping wet stuff I can live without will be parceled out to the roll carts of neighbors on my block on trash day, in the same way that that debris of which Roshi Joan spoke might be parceled out to imaginary roll carts and sent away. There’s a great meditation image for you.

There is randomness, there’s luck, good and bad, and there are ways to move forward. I need reminding, often, about those.

What about the cold showers? you may ask. Well, without a water heater (still) I’ve discovered just how beautiful a cold shower can be. Oh sure, the first few minutes are a little startling, but I’ve found I get used to it pretty quickly and end up lingering in the cold water, feeling more and more rejuvenated. And when I get out? I feel like I could do anything! Look it up! Cold showers are good for us. I’m here to tell you, I can practically feel the endorphins surging through me when I’m finished. Yeehah! Look out, Evil! I’m coming!!

“I don’t do this to change the country. I do it so the country won’t change me.” – A.J. Muste

“Let us awaken. Do not squander your life.” – Roshi Joan Halifax

“You are seen. You are heard. You are appreciated. And you are loved.” – Ceasar F. Barajas

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Letting the Heart Fill Back Up

Last week I wrote about my project to fill a sketchbook with lists, for a local show. Well, I have filled up my sketchbook but without a single list. Scrapped the whole idea after messing up a few pages with lists that I deemed “lame” and unworthy of hanging on a wall at the Columbia Art League.

I’ve completed the sketchbook way ahead of time, though, choosing to write about death, instead. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Death is inevitable. Last week it came for a sweet, humble, warm-hearted artist here in our community, out of the blue and at the too young age of 64. He was a man who, because of his lovely nature, anyone who even barely knew him could call “friend.” Beloved by all, his death was unexpected and a blow.

So I’ve written about death–just my random thoughts, since I do ruminate on death quite a lot, anyway. At the same time I’ve made three happy paintings as an antidote to all the darkness. And I’m working on letting my heart fill back up, staying in the present, trying to focus on the moments when Miles is bouncy and lively, rather than when he’s struggling. I am working on accepting what is.

But the “what is” can be enormous and terrible, if I look beyond my own small life. “What is” includes suffering in many parts of the world and major disappointments here in the U.S. As to accepting all of that, I am baffled. I’m reminded of a line from the movie “Living Out Loud,” when Holly Hunter is watching the news on TV and says aloud, “What am I supposed to do with all of this information?”

What, indeed.

Today I took a walk from my house, down to the trail and back up again, while listening to a beautiful meditation. In my ear I heard, “How are you right now?” Well, right then I was looking at the beautiful early morning sunlight through the leaves, blue sky up above, and admittedly I felt lucky. Sometimes I find it hard to hold onto those moments, but again and again I will be asking myself, “How are you right now?” Right now I am fine.

“Emotions are like waves. Watch them disappear in the distance on the vast calm ocean.” ― Ram Dass, Be Here Now

“Instead of forcing yourself to feel positive, allow yourself to be present in the now.” ― Daniel Mangena, Stepping Beyond Intention

“Think about every good thing in your life right now. Free yourself of worrying. Let go of the anxiety, breathe. Stay positive, all is well.” ― Germany Kent

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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List Making

Here’s the sketchbook in shadow, including one of Miles’ head

Challenge from our local arts group: purchase for $15 a small sketchbook, fill it up and return it for a Sketchbook Show in September. I considered, decided no, and then, partly because of my vow to enter every show this year, relented. I had also come up with an idea.

The sketchbooks are made of plain paper, not great for either painting or collage. Thus, my initial hesitation. I decided to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time: make a book of lists. So I’m off. La!

So far I’ve made a list of lists. I’ve taken paint to every other page, scraped on with credit cards. This is a thing I love to do. Then I shall handwrite the lists over or facing the painted pages. I might put in odd little drawings or . . . ? That’s the rough outline and anyway, once again, this little world is my oyster, so I can do anything I want.

I feel that with lists, one can go anywhere. Things Miles Likes to Eat. Favorite Books. Attributes of the East-Facing Window. Odd Words and Their Definitions. Dogs I’ve Loved. People I’ve Lost. My Thoughts on Death. Things I Do Every Morning. Things I Do on Sundays. Complaints. Worries About the World & My Little Piece of It. My Best Attributes. Things I Feel Guilty About. Etc.

Since these books will not be for sale (I don’t think) mine will make a nice compact record of this time in my life. I’m pretty excited about the project.

Doe and baby, right out back!

The books will be hung on the wall, open, so that patrons can look through them. The idea is to show your process as an artist. I don’t sketch, generally, so mine will show my process as a thinker. I do, as you may have guessed, have many thoughts.

The next show, actually coming up before the Sketchbook Show, will be “Lush,” meant to “celebrate the richness and vitality of the natural world.” As I typed those last few words, I heard a noise outside and turned to see a young spotted fawn cavorting across the yard. A doe and her two fawns are often out back, as well as a pair of barred owls. Yes, it’s pretty lush out there right about now. And this morning is cool enough to have the house open, leaf shadow dancing across my desk. Ahh. Richness and vitality, indeed.

“The list could surely go on, and there is nothing more wonderful than a list, instrument of wondrous hypotyposis.” ― Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose

“We have a limit, a very discouraging, humiliating limit: death. That’s why we like all the things that we assume have no limits and, therefore, no end. It’s a way of escaping thoughts about death. We make lists because we don’t want to die.” ― Umberto Eco

“Forget your to-do list and create a to-be list.”― Frank Sonnenberg, Listen to Your Conscience

“I love lists. Always have. When I was 14, I wrote down every dirty word I knew on file cards and placed them in alphabetical order. I have a thing about collections, and a list is a collection with purchase.” ― Adam Savage

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Livestream Consciousness

Bryant Park, NYC

“Stream of consciousness: a person’s thoughts and conscious reactions to events, perceived as a continuous flow.” That’s the kind of writing I try to do in those Morning Pages I’m always blathering on about–writing down whatever floats through my mind, without judgment or structure, without an attempt at organizing my thoughts. That’s the goal, anyway, though not always met.

But what I do notice in my brain is truly a stream of images floating through whenever I’m somewhat at rest or not even, e.g. during piano lessons (I really am listening!), while writing or driving, with or without others, or even reading.

Our childhood home on Washington Blvd.

Is this the norm, I wonder?

It’s an ongoing background slide show of familiar places and sights from my past, most often back to childhood. The A&P where we bought groceries appears often, as well as Forest Park and all the places we girls wandered on our own there, the Art Museum, one or the other of the houses where we grew up, the tiny bedroom my three sisters and I shared on Flora Street, the front porch of our house on Washington. But the many places I’ve been in New York with my boys stop by and land, too, plus various spots in the Bay Area from my many visits to siblings there. Taiwan, too, but Italy, not so much. Why?

They are not triggered by anything like Proust’s madeleine or music or the fragrance of a cedar tree or a marigold, as people suggest, but are just always there in the background of my mind, with nothing in particular happening in them.

Pt. Reyes, California

Some people have synesthesia–a phenomenon of “tasting” colors or “feeling” sounds, a sort of cross-over of senses. In Oliver Sacks‘ book, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, you’ll find tales of people with all sorts of neurological oddities, some of them short-lived, e.g., a man whose sense of smell suddenly became so heightened that he could do nothing else but smell things, rather like a dog. It went away after a few weeks.

That book and my own inner image stream make me think, isn’t the brain fascinating? Just think of the potential! And isn’t being human just so interesting, complex and mysterious? Oh, it’s hard, too, at times, but wow, very very interesting. Just think of all the times someone you know very well takes you completely by surprise with a word or something they do. Or you, yourself, come up with a little stunner that surprises even you. We really are mysterious creatures and worthy of study. What about you? Any idiosyncrasies you’d like to share?

“Every act of perception, is to some degree an act of creation, and every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination.” ― Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia

“Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.” ― Oliver Sacks, Gratitude

“…when the brain is released from the constraints of reality, it can generate any sound, image, or smell in its repertoire, sometimes in complex and “impossible” combinations.” ― Oliver Sacks

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”