Tag: wisdom

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Be a Little Deaf

Lovely Day

Two things. First, I listened today to a guided meditation by Georgina Noel titled “Connecting With Next Level You.” She is a mixed bag of F-bombs, red lipstick and black leather, raucous laughter, and beautiful guided meditations. One has to stay open.

Anyway, this meditation conjured up a golden retriever and an image of me very similar to one that popped up once before. I’m older and thinner, with wispy grey hair pulled back, smiling peacefully. I look a bit like Roshi Joan Halifax. Next Level Me is wise, spiritual, centered, the picture of contentment and equanimity. Nothing about her suggests scrappy pickleball player, sharp-tongued friend, loud-singing Rummy Royal player, cursing Mahjongg devotee, or enterprising artist/writer.

XO

Second, in Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s book, My Own Words (with Mary Hartnett and Wendy W. Williams), she tells of her father-in-law advising her that to make a marriage work, you need to “be a little deaf.”

There’s a pearl of wisdom for you! This simple but profound gem applies not only to marriage, I feel, but to any relationship one might have. How much happier I, for one, would be if I could just ignore those little comments that annoy, irritate, and stick with me for hours or days (years?). Often they’re made by people who do not even figure that big in my life, and yet. Or maybe they are comments from people I love, people for whom I should really have so much more patience. And yet, I’m bugged, I’m irritated, I hold on. My heart scowls. Grr.

I love that image of Next Level Me very much. Peaceful, centered, contented, exuding love. This is what I really do want for the last part of my life. Can I get there? Wouldn’t it be grand? Maybe by “being a little deaf” I could get closer. Perhaps this, along with other helpful practices, will get me nearly there. And perhaps I could do it while still being true to the wilder parts of me.

But why the golden retriever? I’ve never had a large dog, but this is twice one has shown up in my imagination. I’m going to have to meditate on this. Perhaps Joan Halifax has one.

“Conceptual knowledge is so valued in our world. Yet in many cultures wisdom is equated not with knowledge but with an open heart.” ― Joan Halifax, Being with Dying

“Release your potential and unleash your true self into the world.” – Georgina Noel

“Nowhere to go, nothing to do . . . Lost and found in the moment . . . Just practice this . . . Maybe here is where we find wholeheartedness and our true freedom.” ― Joan Halifax, Standing at the Edge

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Be a Goldfish

The television more-than-a-comedy “Ted Lasso” is full of food for thought. Soccer coach Lasso has a take on teamwork, love, and how to live a good life that illuminates the best way to be a human. But one of his many bits of wisdom comes from the humble goldfish.

After a tough defeat, Ted says, “You know what the happiest animal in the world is? It’s a goldfish. It’s got a 10 second memory. Be a goldfish.” He goes on to encourage the team to forget the losses and focus on what’s next. Put the missed shots and opportunities, the losses and disappointments behind you and work on doing better. Shorthand for this, as the show goes forward (as we all are reminded to do) is, “Be a goldfish.”

I love this show. It’s one that is well worth watching. When I finally got to see all of it, I was spoiled for anything else. I just wanted to watch it all over again, which I quickly began to do. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom.

Be the goldfish. Leave it all in the past. Okay, don’t leave the beautiful things, the happinesses and glories, the lovely littles and bigs behind you. Keep those tucked away someplace safe. But don’t hang onto the ugly bits that aren’t doing you any good. Be a goldfish and swim over to your tiny castle, waving your pretty little tail as you go.

Rufus, paying rapt attention, as we all should.

I always feel that it’s important to look and listen for these bits of wisdom wherever I can, in whatever conversation, book, movie, overheard comment, child’s remark, dog’s behavior, act of nature, and of course my own reaction to something or other. It’s important to always be listening, paying attention, noticing. Otherwise, what might I be missing? What important message or idea might escape my notice? What bearer of wisdom might be left shaking its head and rolling its eyes, wondering how to get my attention next time?

But with “Ted Lasso,” there’s a banquet of wonderful morsels just laid out for you, so easy to pick up and so palatable. It might sound like I work for Apple+ TV but this show is worth watching. Honestly, I haven’t found much else of worth there, but when I find something like this gem, I want to tell about it.

Here are a few more Ted Lasso-isms.

“I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”

“There’s two buttons I never like to hit: that’s panic and snooze.”

“I think things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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Hello, Old Friend

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that we greet an uncomfortable thought, worry, or fear with, “Hello, Old Friend. I know you.” When I heard this in the gentle, loving voice of Roshi Joan Halifax, I immediately felt an Ahh.

I suppose when you acknowledge that you’ve been here before, you’ve felt this before, and yet life went on and possibly even became quite nice again, you can imagine that it will once more. There’s also something comforting about familiarity, even with a negative thought. Oh yeah. You again. I know you. You’re back. That little part of me that nags and bothers from time to time, that needs something again. My little demon. Maybe it just needs soothing.

You never know when a little nugget of wisdom will hit home, do you? You do have to keep listening for them, though. Although if you miss it first time around, it’s likely to pop up again. I’m trying to listen harder these days, since it might be nicer to try and catch them on their first time flying by. Time is limited, you know. The next little bit of grace I pick up might make all the difference in an interaction I’m about to have with a child or a friend, one of my sons or siblings, or even a perfect stranger. So I want to listen!

Sometimes, too, these bits of wisdom are my own epiphanies and realizations. I have found things in my Morning Pages that I wrote down long ago and I’d managed to forget, things that were surprisingly insightful! And yet here I am having this beautiful discovery all over again. Good thing some little part of me is paying attention.

“My actions are my only true belongings.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“What you are looking for is already in you…You already are everything you are seeking.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

If you’re looking for my cards or art, you’ll find all of that on my website. If you enjoy these letters, feel free to forward this one to anyone you think might like it. And if someone forwarded this one to you, you can sign up here to receive the letters right in your Inbox. Finally, you’ll find past letters and poems here.

Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”

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I Want Half

Forty years sober, eighteen years married

this wise kind man who claims there are

no bad days, who lives with persistent pain

insists there are no bad days.

His back’s been manipulated and fused

with metal rods and newly grown bone

to no good end and yet he will tell any

and all that there are no bad days.

Sleeps poorly, uses crutches, a scooter

to move about and yet:  no bad days.

I want half his good will

half his acceptance

half his equanimity

half his serenity

half his pluck.

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The Wisdom of Dogs

Breakfasting on wild blackberries plucked on the fly

as I follow the familiar path, my two reckless dogs

barreling ahead turning now and then to make sure

I am still coming along, their rows of teeth

making crazy grins.  Come on! they seem to say

for they have no interest in blackberries or wildflowers.

They don’t even know it’ll be a short walk today,

things to do, places to go, people to see, but still

for them, every moment counts.  Come on! 

Something great might be around that bend!

Come on!  And I do, I follow, knowing

full well that they are right.